Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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