Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
