She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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