Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
