so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
