i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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