You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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