I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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