I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
