grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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