turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
