ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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