I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
