At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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