and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
