party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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