then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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