This girl is more easily done than said...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
