found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so explain again why im purple
no
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
