I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
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just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.