the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.