this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
