Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?