Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now