I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.