Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.