Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?