I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.