If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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