Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off

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(813): View more from Florida

i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.

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(248): View more from Michigan

i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

(510): View more from California

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(254): View more from Texas

Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.

(254): View more from Texas

Tornado warnings are fun!

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(208): View more from Idaho

My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.

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(206): View more from Washington

the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass

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