Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.

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(904): View more from Florida

i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents

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(314): View more from Missouri

The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.

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