I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I got inside last night via doggy door
Come share oat with me in your robe