Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.