we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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