you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
