Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You smell like stripper and shame
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
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