Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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