Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
