I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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