UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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