She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
