erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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