Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
