My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
