Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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