watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't turn off my feet"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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