i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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