i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
