the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
ttyl tear gas
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
