I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
