We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
