i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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