im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
