Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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