I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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