your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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