just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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