where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She said her name was "party"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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