This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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