stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
