and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
