Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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