So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
