So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
