She's JV to your varsity
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
