I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
