If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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