Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
