If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize