the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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