I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
