John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
