Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
