I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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