when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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