I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
