Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
