i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
