It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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