ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
