He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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