so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You're like the curious george of whores
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
