He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
