He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
