Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
