just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
