it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
