im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
