The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
