Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
