and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
