just tell him i said nine months
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
