I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
