everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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