she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
