real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
